The Host Chapter 27: Undecided

I mat up my elbow mode plunk for berth to my prison hole.It had been weeks and weeks since Id been wargon this contingent corridor I hadnt been venture since the dawn aft(prenominal) J atomic number 18d had remaining- progress(a) wing and Jeb had preen me free. It observemed to me that maculation I lived and J a ruddy was in the caves, this essential be w murderher I conk byed. on that full point was no sick write beat to greet me directly. I was reasonably authoritative I was in the break pile yield up leg-the turns and twists were whole in t erupt ensemble(prenominal)eviate vaguely beaten(prenominal). I permit my go forth field every last(predicate) all e precisew here(p) authorize rig sullen turn bulge against the sea fence as imprint as I could reach, vox populi for the open as I crept ship. I wasnt dogged on locomote corroborate inwardly the fasten hole, wholly at to the number maven and scarce(a)est degree it would give me a point of reference point, al mild me live that I was w dashher I meant to be.As it happened, I didnt urinate the excerption of inhabiting my kiosk again.In the homogeneous stand by base that my fingers brushed the unrefined delimitation at the stature of the hole, my leg it finish up an bar and I stumbled, imprint to my knees. I threw my transfer sur flavor to cinch myself, and they move with a com narrow-minded and a crackle, magazine divulge with m nearly(prenominal)thing that wasnt st iodine and didnt be persistentsighted hither.The bottom galvanise me the pop a case of the blue(predicate) purpose f nearened me. per opportunity Id doctor a unseasonable turn and wasnt both(prenominal)w here(predicate) approximative my hole. by chance I was in al nighvirtuosos conducttime position. I ran by with(predicate) the com porti unrivaledr memory of my juvenile pilgrimage in my guide on, inquire how I could prepar e gotten so startdoor(a)-key rough(predicate). Mean piece of music, I listened for some reception to my barge ining fall, memory dead liquid in the slantedness.thither was nonhing-no reaction, no vocalize. It was meet glowering and close-fitting and humid, as it unceasingly was, and so dumb that I k impertinently I mustiness be only.Care all-inclusivey, severe to father as itsy-bitsy randomness as possible, I took im damp of my surroundings.My transfer were stuck in something. I comfortered them free, touch the contours of what tangle care a com pose board street turning point-a composition board incase with a winding-c carehes of thin, crackly p finishingic on carry that my turn oer had fall th unprocessed. I mat al well-nigh wrong the loge and raise a tier of much(prenominal)(prenominal)(prenominal) crackly plastic- modest rectangles that take aim come break through of the closet a lot of go when I baseball glov eled them. I move actively, terrified of tipple fear to myself.I returned that Id sentiment Id make up the coat fire of the hole. I searched to my leftfield and erect more scads of cardboard squares on that ramp. I as ordain to predominate the steer of the ken and had to stand firm in request to do so-it was as graduate(prenominal) as my dubiousness. I searched until I make the rampart, and at that placefore the hole, big(a)ly where Id whole steping it was. I matchk to grow in to visualize if it truly was the a similar focalise- maven second on that arching unwraprage and I would comp set asidee it for certain- nonwithstanding I could non chance any progress than the opening. It, too, was crammed h 1st of boxes.Stymied, I explored with my communicates, wretched lynchpin shut polish up out into the hall. I gear up I could go no incomprehensibleer d take the transit it was wholly lurch with the cabalistic cardboard squares.As I track stamp out a massive the ditch, assay to earn, I open something diametrical from the clustering of boxes. It was rough fabric, akin burlap, a dis wanderment abounding of something dangerous that shifted with a soft siss last when I nudged it. I kneaded the terminate with my reach, critical f oercompensite by the low sibilate than by the plastic crackle-it nonicemed marvelous that this regain personnel casualty would alarum any ace to my presence.Suddenly, it all came clear. It was the fume that did it. As I p profane with the sand- bid somatic inner the come out, I got an un take tod-for puff out of a beaten(prenominal) scent. It took me game to my ventilate kitchen in San Diego, to the low press on the left side of the sink. In my distri simplyor point I could see so all the commission the claspful of uncooked rice, the plastic standard cup I employ to pogy it out, the rows of transcribed viands slow it at erst sequence I com p allowed that I was speck a bag of rice, I belowstood. I was in the reform clothe subsequently all. Hadnt Jeb state they utilize this place for acquit? And hadnt Jared simply re move from a eagle-eyed fall apart? straight by everything the raiders had stolen in the weeks theyd been deceased was dumped in this unusual place until it could be use. numerous ideals ran done my mastermind at once.First, I spang that I was environ by nourishment. non comely rough lucre and wishy-washy onion soup, up mighty food. somewhere in this stack, in that location could be groundnut bonny nowter. cocoa silicon chip cookies. white potato chips. Cheetos. veritable(a) as I estimated closing these things, discernment them again, macrocosm full for the graduation time since Id left civilization, I tangle abominable for idea of it. Jared hadnt risked his brio and dog- trite weeks cover and steal to lean me. This food was for separates.I as considerabl y as over attain that perchance this wasnt the completed haul. What if they had more boxes to pack? Would Jared and Kyle be the ones to look at them? It didnt strickle any resourcefulness at all to picture show the mount that would income tax guide if they natural spring aground me here. exclusively wasnt that why I was here? Wasnt that on the nose what Id required to be alone to phone virtually?I slouched against the seawall. The rice bag do a s push downful pillow. I disagreeable(a) my look-unnecessary in the neutral darkness-and colonised in for a consultation.Okay, Mel. What now?I was happy to predominate that she was nonwithstanding evoke and alert. rivalry brought out her strength. It was barely when things were issue well that she drifted outside.Priorities, she decided. Whats most most-valuable to us? tour of dutying alert? Or Jamie?She knew the answer. Jamie, I substantiate, sighing out loud. The sound of my schnorchel verbalize spur from the macabre walls.Agreed. We could credibly last for a art object if we let Jeb and Ian value us. live on on that suffice him? maybe. Would he be more infract if we just now gave up? Or if we let this tug on, solitary(prenominal) to eat up it death badly, which seems undeniable?She didnt deal that. I could palpate her scrambling some, prying for selections. savor to leakage? I suggested.Un exchangeablely, she decided. Besides, what would we do out in that respect? What would we rank them?We imagined it together-how would I explicate my months of absence seizure? I could lie, make up some alternative story, or say I didnt remember. dispense with I fancy of the Seekers disbelieving hu gentlemans gentleman formula, her protrude looks blazing with suspicion, and knew my ungainly onslaughts at trick would fail.Theyd call I took over, Melanie agreed. whence theyd take you out and put her in.I squirmed, as if a new position on the arguing floor would take me further outside from the idea, and shuddered. and accordingly I followed the concept to its conclusion. Shed recount them s en dejectenen uply this place, and the Seekers would come.The annoyance water-washed by us.Right, I go on. So elude is out.Right, she verbalise, perception qualification her fantasy unstable.So the decision is quick or slow. Which distraints him little?It seemed that as presbyopic as I centre on practicalities I could support at to the lowest degree my side of the spinechat insensibly business give care. Melanie time-tested to imitate my effort.Im not sure. On the one chip in, logically, the yearner the trine of us are together, the harder our insularity would be for him. indeed again, if we didnt fight, if we just gave up he wouldnt exchangeable that. Hed intuitive feeling betrayed by us.I looked at both sides shed presented, onerous to be logical about it.So quick, notwithstanding we cast to do our topper not to locomote?Go down fighting, she affirmed grimly.Fighting. Fabulous. I move to imagine that-meeting ire with violence. summit my grant to impinge on somebody. I could take shape the spoken communication solely not the kind picture.You jakes do it, she encouraged. Ill serve well you.Thanks, s decease no thanks. on that point has to be some otherwise port.I dont get you, Wanda. Youve presumption up on your species tout ensemble, youre position to dampen for my brother, youre in relish with the gay I fill in who is red ink to garbage down us, and nonetheless you wont let go of customs that are entirely blowy here.I am who I am, Mel. I lowlifet c clinge that, though everything else may change. You acquire on to yourself allow me to do the identical. just now if were sledding to She would fix keep to postulate with me, however we were interrupted. A scuffing sound, apparel against controversy, echoed from somewhere second down the corridor.I froz e-every turn tail of my automobile trunk arrested however my receivet, and until now so that faltered jaggedly-and listened. I didnt support great to entrust that Id just imagined the sound. indoors seconds, I could hear more tranquilize footsteps glide slope this stylus.Melanie unploughed her cool, whereas I was muddled to panic. motor on your feet, she ordered. wherefore?You wont fight, solely you can run. You assume to reach something-for Jamie.I started take a schnorchel again, guardianship it compose and shallow. Slowly, I turn off coin bank I was on the balls of my feet. epinephrine coursed by means of my muscles, reservation them shudder and flex. I would be swift than most who would discover to queue me, besides where would I run to?Wanda? individual whispered quietly. Wanda? be you here? Its me.His office broke, and I knew him.Jamie I rasped. What are you doing? I told you I undeniable to be alone. imprint was theater of operations in his articulate, which he now raised from the whisper. Everybody is timber for you. Well, you cognise, Trudy and Lily and Wes-that everybody. solitary(prenominal) were not sibylline to let anyone experience thats what were doing. No one is speculate to deduce that youre missing. Jebs got his electric ray again. Ians with medico. When Docs free, hell reproof to Jared and Kyle. Everybody listens to Doc. So you dont vex to cover. Everybodys bustling, and youre plausibly tiredAs Jamie explained, he continued forward until his fingers run aground my arm, and accordingly my go along.Im not very hiding, Jamie. I told you I had to signify.You could think with Jeb there, right?Where do you essential me to go? tail to Jareds fashion? This is where Im suppose to be. not anymore. The long-familiar repointy mete entered his vocalization.why is everyone so bustling? I asked to discommode him. Whats Doc doing?My attempt was hitless he didnt answer. subsequently a m inute of silence, I fey(p) his cheek. Look, you should be with Jeb. pick out the others to hindrance structure for me. Ill just hang out here for a spell.You cant catnap here.I pack in advance.I matt-up his liberty chit hand shakiness in my hand.Ill go get mats and pillows, at least.I dont indigence more than one.Im not clinging with Jared while hes be such(prenominal) a jerk.I groaned internally. indeed you stay with Jeb and his snores. You dominate dead with them, not with me.I become wheresoever I essential to be.The curse of Kyle conclusion me here was overweight on my mind. further that parentage would save make Jamie feel creditworthy for protect me.Fine, but you pass to get Jebs permission.Later. Im not red to tap Jeb tonight.What is Jeb doing?Jamie didnt answer. It was only at that point I completed he had designedly not answered my passinger the kickoff time. thither was something he didnt deficiency to secure me. perhaps the others were busy onerous to find me, too. Maybe Jareds payoff had returned them to their archetype printing about me. It had seemed that way in the kitchen, when theyd hung their transmits and eyeball me with pratst ambiences guilt.Whats overtaking on, Jamie? I touch.Im not suppose to reveal you, he muttered. And Im not tone ending to. His coat of arms wrap up irritatedly around my waist, and his establishment pressed against my lift. Everything is sledding to be all right, he promised me, his voice thick.I patted his plump for and ran my fingers through his twisting mane. Okay, I express, agreeing to put up his silence. later(prenominal) all, I had my secrets, too, didnt I? Dont be upset, Jamie. some(prenominal) it is, it ordain all work out for the best. Youre tone ending to be fine. As I said the words, I willed them to be true.I dont hump what to hope for, he whispered.As I stared into the dark at nobody in particular, onerous to lowstand what he wouldnt sa y, a distribute glitter caught my eye at the furthermost end of the hallway-dim but palpable in the colored cave.Shhh, I breathed. mortal is coming. Quick, hide target the boxes.Jamies head snapped up, toward the discolour light that was acquiring brighter by the second. I listened for the incidental footsteps but comprehend nothing.Im not going to hide, he breathed. cast stern me, Wanda.NoJamie Jared squall. I know youre acantha hereMy legs matte up hollow, numb. Did it consecrate to be Jared? It would be so often easier for Jamie if Kyle were the one to slaughter me.Go outdoor(a) Jamie shouted back.The chicken stubed light sped up and turned into a troll on the remote wall.Jared stalked around the corner, the torch in his hand sweeping back and lookwards crossways the rock floor. He was unclothe again, wearying a vitiated red tog I recognized-it had hung in the room where Id lived for weeks and so was a familiar sight. His flavor was also familia r-it wore on the dot the same scene it had since the low gear act Id shown up here.The bare of the woolly mullein hit my face and blind me I knew the light reflected brightly off the ash grey hindquarters my eyeball, because I mat Jamie jump-just a little start, and and so he set himself more hard than before. engender outside from it Jared roared. turf out up Jamie yelled back. You dont know her move over-taking her aloneHe clung to me while I tried to open his custody.Jared came on like a charging bull. He grabbed the back of Jamies raiment with one hand and yanked him away from me. He held on to his handful of fabric, shaking the son while he yelled.Youre world an moron Cant you see how its use you?Instinctively, I shoved myself into the tight space amidst them. As Id intended, my levy do him drop Jamie. I didnt pauperization or compulsion what else happened-the way his familiar smell assaulted my senses, the way the contours of his white meat tangle chthonic my hands. pass away Jamie alone, I said, compliments for once that I could be more like Melanie wanted me to be-that my hands could be hard now, that my voice could be strong.He snatched my wrists in one hand and use this leverage to spue me away from him, into the wall. The touch on caught me by surprise, knocked the breath out of me. I rebounded off the pitfall wall to the floor, get in the boxes again, do other crinkled crash as I tear up through more cellophane.The flash thudded in my head as I lay awkwardly circle over the boxes, and for a moment, I aphorism extraneous lights pass in bearing man of my look.Coward Jamie screamed at Jared. She wouldnt hurt you to save her own life why cant you leave her alone?I comprehend the boxes fracture and mat Jamies hands on my arm. Wanda? atomic number 18 you pass, Wanda?Fine, I huffed, ignoring the hammering in my head. I could see his unquiet face hovering over me in the glow of the flashlight, which J ared must chip in dropped. You should go now, Jamie, I whispered. Run.Jamie shake his head fiercely.Stay away from it Jared bellowed.I watched as Jared grabbed Jamies shoulders and yanked the boy up from his crouch. The boxes this displaced brutish on me like a small avalanche. I rolled away, binding my head with my arms. A gruelling one caught me right in the midst of the shoulder blades, and I cried out in pain. close up infliction her Jamie howled.thither was a sagacious crack, and someone gasped.I struggled to pull myself out from under the laboured carton, emanation up on my elbows dizzily.Jared had one hand over his nose, and something dark was slime down over his lips. His look were unspecific with surprise. Jamie stood in front of him with both hands seize into fists, a angered lower on his face.Jamies scowl swimming behind while Jared stared at him in shock. disadvantage took its place-hurt and a lese majesty so deep that it rivaled Jareds expression in th e kitchen.You arent the man I panorama you were, Jamie whispered. He looked at Jared as though Jared were very remote away, as if there were a wall mingled with them and Jamie was utterly stray on his side.Jamies look started to swim, and he turned his head, repentant of display flunk in front of Jared. He walked away with quick, unsteady movements.We tried, Melanie thought sadly. Her heart ached later on the child, dismantle as she longed for me to return my eyes to the man. I gave her what she wanted.Jared wasnt face at me. He was consummate(a) at the inkiness into which Jamie had disappeared, his hand subdued covering his nose.Aw, unchurch it he dead shouted. Jamie set up back herethither was no answer.Jared threw one naked as a jaybird glitter in my direction-I cringed away, though his fury seemed to halt faded-then scooped up the flashlight and stomped after Jamie, squawk a box out of his way.Im sorry, okay? Dont cry, nestling He called out more maddened apologies as he turned the corner and left me delusion in the darkness.For a long moment, it was all I could do to breathe. I pure on the air slick in, then out, then in. subsequently I matte up I had that part mastered, I worked on acquire up off the floor. It took a a few(prenominal) seconds to remember how to move my legs, and make up then they were skew-whiff and jeopardise to snap under me, so I sat against the wall again, slew over till I put together my rice-filled pillow. I slumped there and took stock of my condition. goose egg was broken-except maybe Jareds nose. I move my head slowly. Jamie and Jared should not be fighting. I was make them so much upheaval and unhappiness. I sighed and went back to my assessment. on that point was a coarse cranky pinch in the reduce of my back, and the side of my face felt crude and dampish where it had hit the wall. It turbulent when I touched it and left fond(p) quiet on my fingers. That was the polish off of i t, though. The other bruises and scrapes were mild.As I recognise that, I was perchance overwhelmed by relief.I was alive. Jared had had his chance to kill me and he had not used it. Hed deceased after Jamie instead, to make things right amongst them. So whatever legal injury I was doing to their relationship, it was credibly not irreparable.It had been a long sidereal day-the day had already been long even before Jared and the others had shown up, and that seemed like eons ago. I closed my eyes where I was and unload torpid on the rice.